My psychic reading

Ever since I was a little kid I was always intrigued by the concept of psychics and the paranormal. I was always reading into fortune telling, astronomy, terot cards, and psychic readings. I always wanted to beleive in that stuff, but never had any proof that it was real. That is untill now.

A while ago a good friend of mine Beth had told me about how her and her mom had gone to a lady to get a psychic reading and they said she was amazingly spot on. I was instantly interested, however over time I forgot about it. Then recently I have had alot on my mind and I got talking to Beth and she recomended I go and see her psychic. Now I was pretty sceptical at first, as I am with anything like this, but I decided I would go into this with an open mind. So I gave the psychic (her name is Dede) a call to make an appointment. Her answering machine said nothing about psychic readings, all it said was "this is Dede, leave a message". This caught me off guard and I left a very awkward message for her saying something like "my name is Mat, and I want to make an appointment for a psychic reading.....and I REALLY hope I have the right number, if not sorry for this very awkward phone call...". So it turns out I had the right number because she called me back the next day to say she had an open spot two days from then.



So two days later, I meet up with Beth at like 8:30 in the morning and we drive out to the middle of no where to find this ladys house. We end up getting there 30 min before my appoinment so I stop and grab something to drink and we end up going to her house 20 min early. As we walk up to the door I get a strange sensation that I had been there before, the lawn is decorated in angel statues, and reminds me alot of my grandmothers house. I reluctantly ring the door bell and a a few seconds later an older lady in her late 50s appears at the door and lets her in. I think to myself, this lady doesnt look like a psychic, she isnt wearing a crazy shawl or covered in jewelry, she had sweat pants and a T-shirt on. As I step through the door, her tiny dog starts freaking out and jumping all over me. Dede greets us and asks me a few questions as her dog Cocoa bites my ankles. She asks Beth to sit in the main hall and asks me to go with her into a room oposite the hall. We walk in and I sit down at a table and immediately notice the massive ammount of angel statues, pictures, and ornaments that cover the room. She sits down across from me and asks me a few questions like my full name and if I have ever had a reading before. I say I had never been but always wanted to and she goes on a rant about phoney psychics who do fake readings just for the money; She talks to me as if we are old friends. She then explains that durring the reading I am free to ask any questions, but she says she may not have the answers. She says that when she reads someone she talks to her guardian angel who then speaks to my guardian angel, which is how she gets all of her information. She asks if I'm ready and then holds my hand and we say a prayer.

As soon as she lets go she starts asking if I'm a musician. I say no, and she tells me that I have great musical talent, which is funny because I've never played an instrument all my life. I won't go into to much detail about what she says, because I can't remember most of it except I know the mains points of what she said. She said that ever since I was born I was always a constant thinker, the kind of kid who always asked why and was never content with simple answers. This is true even today with me, as my mind is always racing thinking about something. It drives me crazy because I tend to over think alot. She talks about my crazy group of frineds and how it stresses me out all the time to have to manage all of them. She talks about how I have some really classy and cool friends, and how many of my friends are how unreliable most of them are. She tells me not to worry, because they will grow up on their own, but in the mean time I need to focus on myself and not worry too much about them. While she is telling me all this her little dog Cocoa keeps jumping into my lap and licking my face. Try as I might to keep the dog down I give up because dog is too spastic and Dede doesnt notice because her eyes are closed the whole time. So here I am in some strange old ladys house trying to subdue her crazy dog and listening to her explaine my entire life in great detail, and I'm wondering what the hell is going on?!

So then after she finishes explaining everything about me and ensures that I beleive her %100 now, she goes on to tell what my future will be like. There wasnt too muh said here, but what she did say surprised me. She said that in about 3 years I was to get a passport out of the country somewhere ( I expected this because I would like nothing more than to get out of America, and I have been planning on it for some time). Then she goes on to say that as far as a career goes I will become a writer, but I will also have many other ways of making money, with art and other little jobs. I always wanted to be a writer, but I can never seem to sit down and write because I have so many ideas in my head I tend to get overwhelmed and give up. The psychic told me I needed to find a partner that can write things down as I feed them the ideas. She goes on to tell me that while I have already been living a pretty crazy and exciting life, that things are only going to get more exciting in the next few years. Oh and she said that at the age of 23 I should move to England because apparently a life changing opportunity will come to me if I do. Hell I'd move to England just for the fun of it honestly! After that she didn't say too much except for that I will live a happy life my own way and that I shouldn't let people get me down or try and influence my life too much.

So after the reading we both got up, I told her I was thankful for her time and she gave me her card and then Beth and I left. The whole experience doesn't even feel real. She told me so much, but most of it was stuff I knew all along, but I just needed to hear it from someone else. As far as the future is concerned I'm still unsure, however I do know that like she told me I will stay true to myself and no matter what happens, I will continue trying to find my own way in this crazy messed up life!

-A very enlightened Mat

Nice guys finish last

This is an expression that has followed me throughout my life and has become even more apparent as of recently. Now im not saying im the nicest guy ever ( far from it ) however I do try my hardest to be nice to everyone ( unless you give me reason not to).

Now being nice is fine, however it seems like when you start to be a nice guy in someones eyes, thats all you will ever become. You have become the " Nice Guy", you know the guy you can always go to and will always be there to make you feel better or at least just listen to you. You know those nice people, they are the ones who will buy you things to make you feel better, or take you out to eat just so you can talk. The problem is once you are the " Nice Guy", thats all you are. You have become a tool for others to use when they need you, and when they don't they toss you aside. As much as I would like to be more in some peoples eyes, the truth of the matter is I am officially "The Nice Guy"...and its killing me.

My father is one person I look up to as a great roll model in my life. It was him who always taught me the ways of the world when I was a kid, and who still teaches me a great deal about life through the wisdom he has aquired in his own life. Throughout all of his little life lessons he has passed on to me, there has always been one message that he always made the most important evenr since I was a little kid and that is to treat everyone with the kindness and respect that you would want someone to show you, and to overall be nice to everyone. He would then go on to say that if you treat people this way, you will in turn be given the same kindness and respect. Now I'm not stupid, i know this isn't the way it works. We do not live in a perfect world, I know this. However I still beleived there was some truth in the matter that if you treat people with respect they will tend to show you respect back. I lived by this idea all my life, untill I started to realise that those people arn't showing me the same respect, all they are doing is smiling as they walk all over me, and I'm letting them. My dad used to always say that as long as you are nice to people you will feel better about yourself deep down. Problem with that is I can't feel much with the crushing weight of everyone standing on top of me.

Let me give some more insight as to why I feel this way. For a long time and in many instances I have been friends will multiple people on different sides of arguments, and in these instances I tend to be the middle man. You know the one person both people can come to and talk about their thoughts and feelings of the other person. I stopped counting how many times I have been the one person those people could come to and vent. Don't get me worng, I'm a guy who loves to vent, especially when it turns into a complete bitch fest with another person. The problem here is that once I have already been there for these people, and the argument is over and they go back to being friends, I am left in the dust.

Another reason nice guys finish last is because of a little thing that most guys like me get themselves into and that is called the dreaded "Friend Zone". You know your life has gone to shit when you enter into this territory. We all know what the friend zone is, and im sure a few if not many of us have all been there, it sucks. I can't remember how many times I have had a thing for a girl and tried to get to know her by being a friend to her first, and then when I finnaly get the courage to take her out on a date, right before I get to ask her out she asks me " So what do you think your friend (Blank) thinks of me? Is he single? Could you find out for me, cuz I really have a thing for him...you have been such a good friend that I feel I can trust you with helping me get to date your best friend. K thanx." .....F my life. I have been stuck in that friend zone so many times I have started to put up furniture and re-decorate the place for my next visit. Maybe this is why I have had a total of zero girl friends and yet have aquired 75,896 friends of the female gender over the past few years. My friends all laugh when they see the movie " Just Friends" I however feel like I'm watching my life portrayed by a fat Ryan Reynolds.

So now what do I do? I have officially been labled the nice guy to everyone I know, and It has brought me nothing but stress. I've been told I just need to be an asshole, and people will respect me. Girls love guys who treat them like shit...right? Well as much as may be true, I just can't be a complete dick. I have tried and I end up just feeling like shit and beating myself up over it. I don't know how people do it, but hey congratulations to them. As much as I try to be like them, I just can't. It goes against everything I stand for, and in the end, thats all I've got. I just wish I didn't have to deal with all the stress and feelings of disdain.

Through out my life I have always felt like I have been runing a loosing race, and no matter how hard I may try to make things better the truth begins to show... This nice guy is falling behind.

-A very pessimistic Mat

Gotta start somewhere

Ok, I've never blogged before, so i don't really know how this works. I've never been good at writing down things about my day to day life. Even as a kid I never really had a journal or a place to write down my thoughts, and when i did try to keep up with a journal I would just end up giving up a few days later and go back to whatever else it was I was doing at the time. Not this time though! This time im going to commit ( I say that everytime, but this time I mean it!). I need a place where I can write down all the thoughts and ideas that go through my head and I think that writing a journal and keeping it to yourself is very ....well selfish. I'd much rather share my thoughts with others and hopefully get some possitive feedback from people who read this ( all two of you...). So here goes nothing...literaly! This has been my first of hopefully many blog posts, and I hope I haven't bored you to death so that you may leave me a little comment or just say "hey I read this". I will be much more motivated to writing if i know people are reading. I promise my next post will have a little more meaning. Peace.



-Mat