This is an expression that has followed me throughout my life and has become even more apparent as of recently. Now im not saying im the nicest guy ever ( far from it ) however I do try my hardest to be nice to everyone ( unless you give me reason not to).
Now being nice is fine, however it seems like when you start to be a nice guy in someones eyes, thats all you will ever become. You have become the " Nice Guy", you know the guy you can always go to and will always be there to make you feel better or at least just listen to you. You know those nice people, they are the ones who will buy you things to make you feel better, or take you out to eat just so you can talk. The problem is once you are the " Nice Guy", thats all you are. You have become a tool for others to use when they need you, and when they don't they toss you aside. As much as I would like to be more in some peoples eyes, the truth of the matter is I am officially "The Nice Guy"...and its killing me.
My father is one person I look up to as a great roll model in my life. It was him who always taught me the ways of the world when I was a kid, and who still teaches me a great deal about life through the wisdom he has aquired in his own life. Throughout all of his little life lessons he has passed on to me, there has always been one message that he always made the most important evenr since I was a little kid and that is to treat everyone with the kindness and respect that you would want someone to show you, and to overall be nice to everyone. He would then go on to say that if you treat people this way, you will in turn be given the same kindness and respect. Now I'm not stupid, i know this isn't the way it works. We do not live in a perfect world, I know this. However I still beleived there was some truth in the matter that if you treat people with respect they will tend to show you respect back. I lived by this idea all my life, untill I started to realise that those people arn't showing me the same respect, all they are doing is smiling as they walk all over me, and I'm letting them. My dad used to always say that as long as you are nice to people you will feel better about yourself deep down. Problem with that is I can't feel much with the crushing weight of everyone standing on top of me.
Let me give some more insight as to why I feel this way. For a long time and in many instances I have been friends will multiple people on different sides of arguments, and in these instances I tend to be the middle man. You know the one person both people can come to and talk about their thoughts and feelings of the other person. I stopped counting how many times I have been the one person those people could come to and vent. Don't get me worng, I'm a guy who loves to vent, especially when it turns into a complete bitch fest with another person. The problem here is that once I have already been there for these people, and the argument is over and they go back to being friends, I am left in the dust.
Another reason nice guys finish last is because of a little thing that most guys like me get themselves into and that is called the dreaded "Friend Zone". You know your life has gone to shit when you enter into this territory. We all know what the friend zone is, and im sure a few if not many of us have all been there, it sucks. I can't remember how many times I have had a thing for a girl and tried to get to know her by being a friend to her first, and then when I finnaly get the courage to take her out on a date, right before I get to ask her out she asks me " So what do you think your friend (Blank) thinks of me? Is he single? Could you find out for me, cuz I really have a thing for him...you have been such a good friend that I feel I can trust you with helping me get to date your best friend. K thanx." .....F my life. I have been stuck in that friend zone so many times I have started to put up furniture and re-decorate the place for my next visit. Maybe this is why I have had a total of zero girl friends and yet have aquired 75,896 friends of the female gender over the past few years. My friends all laugh when they see the movie " Just Friends" I however feel like I'm watching my life portrayed by a fat Ryan Reynolds.
So now what do I do? I have officially been labled the nice guy to everyone I know, and It has brought me nothing but stress. I've been told I just need to be an asshole, and people will respect me. Girls love guys who treat them like shit...right? Well as much as may be true, I just can't be a complete dick. I have tried and I end up just feeling like shit and beating myself up over it. I don't know how people do it, but hey congratulations to them. As much as I try to be like them, I just can't. It goes against everything I stand for, and in the end, thats all I've got. I just wish I didn't have to deal with all the stress and feelings of disdain.
Through out my life I have always felt like I have been runing a loosing race, and no matter how hard I may try to make things better the truth begins to show... This nice guy is falling behind.
-A very pessimistic Mat
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I feel your pain Mat. I think you add a lot of goodness to this city. Don't let the small minority tell you that being a nice, good guy is the wrong road. I think we can both agree, the world needs more people who have compassion.
ReplyDeleteSadly I don't think girls tend to notice that all we end up with when we chose "bad boys" is a broken heart and more then likely loss of self respect. Mat, these girls are not worth it if you have to change yourself for them. It sucks having to wait around for someone to come along that understands you and likes you for everything that you are, but it probably is worth it. Your father is a great guy and has influenced you to be real and find good in people. I, myself, am envious of the relationship you have with your parents.
ReplyDeleteI am glad there is just someone else who believes in friendship that never ends or stops. I don't understand how people can believe you can just use a friend and leave and then expect them to accept you with open arms again when you have problems. Anyway, just hang on..you still have the whole world to see. There is bound to be people who will realize what you have to offer as a friend and to someone special as a boyfriend.